Tuesday, September 11, 2012

Dear Allah,please give me strength…

 

Assalamualaikum…

serabut serabai down stress tingtong blur blank…itu yg aku tengah rasakan sekarang ni…sebenarnye mood nak update blog memang langsung takde…tapi entah la…rasa macam nak get these damn feelings out of my heart so that at least my heart will be at ease…hopefully…

I don’t even know how to describe my feelings right now…bercampur baur..kejap OK kejap KO…but don’t worry,aku tak sampai tahap kena masuk Hospital Bahagia lagi lah…biasalah…aku rase sume student pun pernah hadapi masalah macam ni…

tapi yg pasti sekarang ni aku banyak termenung memikirkan nasib diri…semester baru dah pun bermula…tapi semangat baru dalam diri tiba2 hilang entah ke mana…sebaik sahaja aku menjejakkan kaki ke hostel baru,semangat yg aku bawak dari rumah terbang macam tu je…hati aku menangis..in fact diri sendiri pun dah penat menangis…lol..cengengnye aku..gembengnye aku…pasal masalah hostel macam ni pun nak menangis??booo booo!!malu lah kau tu dah besar panjang…tsskkk..

 

tapi itulah aku…aku memang mudah sangat nak menangis…lemahnye aku…depan orang menangis, cakap dalam telefon menangis,kalau sorang2 tu jangan cakap lah…pejam mata je rasa air masin tu berjejer-jejer…aisshhhh macam budak2… V__V

 

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dear Allah,please give me strength..

 

now I am staying at a ‘new’ hostel which I heard from my friend it was once a hotel…a long long time ago once upon a time agaknye…even the building looks old…hoho…‘luckily’ I got the 4th floor…mine is a single room with bathroom + toilet inside…yeah everyone got their own bathroom…nama pun “hotel” kan…but mine wasn’t functioning…idk why…??

so everytime I wanna wudhu’ or taking my shower or washing my mug or doing my business, I had to tumpang my friend’s bathroom…memang la dia cakap it’s okey…tak kesah…but me myself…I’m not feeling so good to knock someone else’s door for many times a day just to borrow the bathroom…ape yg anda rasa bile anda knock that friend’s door for that purpose and then you found out that actually she is sleeping…tak ke mengganggu namanye tu??tu pun kalau dia ade,kalau dia takde kat bilik tak ke aku jadi pengemis toilet orang lain plak??bunyi macam sadis je..haha..ni baru 2 hari tapi aku rasa macam dah banyak menyusahkan orang pulak…huhu

I just made a report about those problems..and hopefully they can fix it ASAP!!takde la asyik nak menyusahkan orang je…and at least for the time being I can try to adapt and make myself comfortable here…

kat sini wifi pun macam ade takde je…kalau ade pun netbook aku ni takleh nak connect..why??why??orang lain boleh pulak..musykil aku…maybe netbook ni problem kot…takpe la…syukur alhamdulillah aku dah terbeli broadband masa cuti hari tu…at least masa emergency camni takde la aku nak mengendeng kat laptop orang lain kan…even line dia taklah sehebat mana tapi boleh laa…patutlah hati aku meronta-ronta nak beli hari tu,rupenye sebab benda ni la…thank you Allah for gerakkan my hati…  :))))

 

tapi entahlah…terkadang aku macam tak boleh terima dgn keadaan hostel sekarang ni…aku tak selesa…semuanye macam susah sangat utk aku…aku takut,takut sangat kalau2 masalah hostel ni affect my study…tu belum campur lagi dengan stress yg bakal menyerang bile jadual dah mula packed,assignment dah mula berlambak,presentation,case study,quiz,exam bla bla bla etc etc..dengan program NPSC & thesis masa semester 2 nanti…I’m not sure whether I could bear this situation for the whole 3rd year…staying here for 1 year??OMG!!aku tak nak fikir banyak2 sangat,kang bertambah stress pulak jadinye…benda ni pun tak settle lagi kot..

 

that’s why I really really really pray and hope that my appeal for an exchange to my previous hostel will be granted…yup,I ady made an appeal…I hope you,who accidentally might be reading this post by chance could also pray for me,could you?? 2 weeks later,the result of the appeal will be announced and I hope I still get the chance to move to KTSN 1 back…in the meantime, what I can do is to keep praying and trying to survive with this current situation…aku akan cuba jadi kuat dan tough macam badang…tabahkan dan kuatkan hati…yeahh…insyaallah I can do it!!

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kalau nak diikutkan aku rasa banyak je lagi benda yg merungsingkan kepala otak aku ni…nak listkan sume??tak payah la…nanti dah macam merungut pulak jadinye…no..I’m not blaming my nasib right now…it’s just that I’m in shock and it’s seems hard for me to accept it dengan secepat mungkin…I must get used to it slowly..that’s all..I know Allah wouldn’t burden His servants with something that they couldn’t bear..right??be positive and optimistic!!

 

I know..there are many many many people out there who got more serious and bigger problems than me…yg tak tau lagi dapat bilik mana pun ade…lagi kesian sebab terpakse menumpang kat bilik orang..even my other friends who live in the same hostel can stay cool and steady….relax2 je…I’m jealous of them…but what to do (ape nak buat?) I’m not strong like them…bak kata my dad, I have a small heart…yeah I admit that…kadang2 sebab masalah kecik remeh temeh pun aku boleh stress…boleh melalak..haha..pity me!!ternyata my EQ wasn’t good enough!!

 

bila tulis kat sini,dapatlah jugak kurangkan beban perasaan ni…aku dah puas mengadu kat family…nak mengadu kat kawan??ermmm they got their own problems too what…so kat sini je la boleh mengadu lagi…ehehe…but the most important thing mestilah kena turn to Allah for His help to give us strength and faith..indeed..lepas menangis mengadu pada Dia, hati ni rasa lebih lapang sikit…alhamdulillah..  Smile

 

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hurmm sekarang ni memang masih free lagi..kelas pun baru start pagi tadi…lepas ni entah bila aku nak update blog ni lagi…banyak cerita yg aku nak pahat kat sini..plus idea dan materials yg boleh digunakan untuk menghasilkan beberapa entri dah pun aku prepare awal2 lagi sejak cuti semester yg lalu…see,betapa semangatnye aku!

tapi tu la…now,feel tu memang langsung takde…membuatku rasa kosong kosong ouu!!tenggelam timbul dalam lautan perasaan ini terasa sangat melemaskan dan memenatkan!sampai selera pun macam dah terbantut padahal perut menjerit bagai nak gile…kesian kau perut…kau pulak yg jadi mangsa…bersabarlah dgn kerenah tuan kau yg banyak songeh ni…takpe takpe lepas masalah ni settle,aku belanja kau makan sedap2 ye…hehehe

 

oh myy….tak sedar dah panjang pulak aku meluahkan perasaan ni…haha…ade ke orang tulis diari panjang2 camni??tapi aku rasa ade yg lagi panjang kot…aku malas dah nak tulis panjang2 kang nanti jadi Hikayat Merong Mahawangsa pulekk…

 

last but not least…

dear me, I hope you can leave all these problems here…please…it’s for the sake of your study…hopefully you can focus in class and not day-dreaming or mengenang nasib diri di perantauan or whatsoever…aku tengok muka diri sendiri pun dah macam zombie je…hohoho….

 

 

(Rx : terkadang kita rasa masalah tu macam datang bertimpa-timpa, dan kita mula persoalkan kenapa semua itu terjadi pada kita..tapi sebenarnye Allah nak kita kembali dekatkan diri pada Dia sebab sbg seorang manusia biasa, kita selalu alpa bila dah senang kan??jadi sebelum kita pergi terlalu jauh, Allah tarik balik diri kita supaya ingat pada Dia….macam mana??dengan kasi ujian la…so sweet kan?? aku harap sangat yg aku tak jadi hamba yg hanye ingat pada-Nya time susah je…I hope I’m not…)

5 hot people like this:

faiq said... [Reply]

Aminnn..

Everything's Everythings said... [Reply]

Ohh yup atleast kau dh report nnti inshaAllah pihak hostel tu akan dtg betulkan..

Psl hostel pula anggap je tu satu cabaran utk kau ^^
dh lama2 nnti bila dh adapt dgn suasana dia inshaAllah kau xkn rasa mcm ni lgi

Wish u best of luck!

Orkid Edyliyne @ OrkEd said... [Reply]

kuatkan hati...
anggap itu ujian untuk something yang lebih baik.
^^

Mya said... [Reply]

sabar ye fifi. inilah ujian bila kita na berjihad menuntut ilmu ni...

Nelly The Strange said... [Reply]

Allah tau apa yang terbaik !
:)